***

i look forward to the weekend the most right now. :)
good times ahead yea?

-J

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yea. i often daydream of totally pointless stuffs. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

for example.. yesterday i was working and in the midst of all that stressful work i look up to the window (my workstation is facing the window) and i saw this giant cloud and i was talking with the cloud inside my heart and i was mimicking the cloud’s voice and what it would say to me wtf.

the cloud was like a hip hop cloud wtf.

it went yo yo yo what you staring at jo, ju shood be doing your work there dawg.. and then the cloud morph into a peace sign wtf.

=.=

and i spent a good 20 minute making conversation with my imaginary friend, the cloud. wtf

=.=

***

HEEEEEniways.

lets do an update! :)

1. YEAY. i’m no longer an ugly bimbo with patchy lala hair dye wtf. my hair is back to black now wtf and yes… i should not be so impulsive again. EVER.

2. Im going back home yeay!!!!! :) Gosh i love year ends cause i always go back IPOH in december :) best lah. :)

3. Christmas shopping is 70% done!! woohoo!!! :) i dont feel so christmasy this year tho. in comparison with last year. i dont feel the love. wtf. in fact.. i feel all emo and anti social..  >< how lah i think if i continue to be like this i will end up a loner damn sad T_T

4. I was watching this stupid series wtf (How i met your mother wtf S5E11) and marshall wrote a letter to himself in the future.. hahaa..  he wrote this list of stuff that he should achieve by 30 when he was 15 lol .. and then he found a box of this junk with the letter and when he read it.. he actually achieve eveyrthing in opposite wtf =.=

this makes me feel like writing myself a letter and things i should have achieve by the time im 30 hahaha wtf.

it”s gonna be exciting! :P

so……………………. HERE GOES. i should be reading this useless online space when im 30 hahaa

Hi Jen..

This is you when you were 25 and dumb.AHAHAHA.

wtf. OKok.. let’s see. Now that you are 30.. here are some things that you should have achieved by now. (If not, please do not resolve in indulging tubs and tubs of ice cream. and i mean it. )
by this time.. you should be living in you own designer space. with black and white theme. and pictures of your artwork hung all around you and most possibly, a walk in wardrobe. you should be married as well (wtf) and your husband must be someone cute and charming and obviously… smarter than you. wtf. perhaps you should already have a baby? wtf? but that is of course, no pressure hahaha wtf. BUTTT if you are still single.. i hereby grant you the permission to go out partying like mad tonight and then have a fling. hahaha :P wtf
you should be earning tripple the amount u are getting now (omg?) and because you’re 30 today.. i want you to take 50% off you wages this month and donate it to any charity of your choice. :) yes. the 25 year old you is very bossy thank you.
OH. when you are 30.. you should also lose the wtf syndrome and at least do not l337speak anymore.

Im not sure if facebook or twitter is still happening by the time you’re 30.. but if it is.. i think you should delete the account away. :P you can keep this useless blog tho. :)

When you’re 30… you should still have a FIT body. and i mean it. if you’re 20% fatter than your 25 year old body… please slap yourself hard on the face and go to the gym NOW. (if you are still sign on to one that is!). Oh.. no pressure on this.. but now that you’re 30.. you should be a master yogi or something. wtf. or at least attended at least 5 teacher training courses. wtf. and on your way to opening a yoga studio. wtf. or something. wtf

i hope youre not driving that piece of crap still (that car with burning tyres wtf). idk… 5 years from now cars might be so advance it can fly. wtf. but if youre still driving that piece of crap… please go to a car dealer and sell it off NOW.

now tht ur 30.. i hope you have visited all the ASEAN countries too! if not.. please book them tickets now. as a reward for hitting the big 3 O.

wtf

alright all the above are materialistic stuffs.
personally.. i hope when you are reading this… YOU ARE HAPPY and contented with your life, no matter how it turn out to be.
i know things can be rough here and there throughout your whole life but now that youre 30.. i just want you/me … to be happy. and going through mid year life crisis gracefully.

Got it?

From the 25 year old you,

Love,
Jen

:)

***

AIte.

SONG OF THE WEEK!

Happy friday everyone!

-J

x

my mum just nagged me at 3am in the morning through sms..

sometimes i wish i let other ppl IN to my life. including my family.

but i guess being independent is part and parcel of having to deal with your life, on your own.

sometimes i wish things are as easy as just writing/telling how i feel.

somehow everything is complicated without myself having to make it so.

no matter how simple i want things to be… life itself… always go the other way round, hits you with an irony and leave you with sleepless nights and deep thoughts.

what is it that i want in life actually?

what is it that i am trying to achieve.. or to be?

if i put myself in an equation.. where my family/friends/love/money/work/etcetcetc r not in the picture… what will the end result be?

sometimes i wonder what sucked the happiness out of me.

im still thinking about it to date. i remember a friend told me not too long ago… that i have changed from an extremely talkative happy jovial person to the complete opposite. what happened?

i dont know the reason myself.

whatever it is… i am still searching for the answer. and i highly doubt i will find it soon.

:(

*long deep sigh*

-J

ps :: i don’t know who reads this space anymore. i dont really care about pageviews or hits and all tht shit in the first place. since ive stopped blogging about my life… readership have dropped almost by 80% .. which frankly speaking.. was a relief to me. it has come to a point where i am considering to completely stop blogging.. or just blog about rubbish stuffs like what im doing now.
im so sorry if youve been seing lotsa shit entries lately. but i guess in a nutshell.. i am in a mess.

x

***

***

What makes me happy?

i am happy when people around me are happy. i am happy when my mum calls or msg me even if its to nag me. i am happy when people remember little details of my life.  even if they make fun of it, it still makes me happy. i am happy when i get to eat my fav food. and my fav food is nothing posh or extravagant. i like cheap. simple. satisfying bites that reminds me of good times with my family and friends. sometimes… its not about the food… it’s about the memories we had while sharing the same food. i am happy when i get to eat ice cream. it reminds me of my music lessons. my mum used to reward me with ice cream after my music classes because she knows i had to practice hard for that two hour of torturous class every week. i enjoy the two hour class, but most importantly i enjoy the ice cream after tht. :D .  i am happy when i see animals. of any type. sometimes i wonder what it would be like if they could talk. i am happy when i get to know friends.. who made it far in life, especially when they started off with nothing. i am proud of their success. if i can.. id like to share their stories with the world. i am happy after a good movie. i feel like i’ve learnt something from it. i always feel happy when i get to learn something new.  i am happy when i find a good shopping deal. better still.. if i’ve made an impulsive purchase which i later on loved to bits. i am happy if my money is well spent on anything at all.  i am happy after my yoga classes. actually, i am happy everytime i sweat.  it just gives me a very satisfying feeling that i have accomplished something… speaking of accomplishment.. i am happy when i work hard on something/anything related to work, and i am appreciated for it after. it doesnt matter if it’s from the bos/fellow colleagues; just as long as my hard work is recognized… i will feel glad.. that i have at least contributed to the success of something/anything. i am happy when i travel. meet new people. talked with people who are passionate of what they do. i am happy when i get inspired. it doesnt happen always.. so when i am inspired.. i just feel happy. because i feel that there is purpose to life. and that it is never to later to achieve that purpose. i am happy when i hear my fav songs. even if it’s cheesy. or pop-ish. remember puff the magic dragon, catch a falling star and sing a song of sixpence? somehow those songs makes me happy for no particular reason. in fact… music always makes me feel alive.. and happy :D .  i am happy when people get my jokes. i make really really sucky jokes.  they’re really lame and .. well. not funny. but when people laugh…. at my sucky jokes………. it makes me really happy. :D   i am happy when i talk to people i like on im. every buzz makes me feel eager to reply on each response. i am happy when people call me to tell me good news. well.. maybe because i dont get that often.. but i am always happy when something good happens. :D it’s only natural to be happy anyways. =.= lol.  i can think of so many things that makes me happy…

but i guess i am happiest … when i get to meet you. to know more about you and being with you.

so tell me. what makes you happy?

-J

i had an urge to blog before i drive possibly an hour to work in the traffic listening to songs that might just make me feel worse.

sometimes i tell myself to go for it.

sometimes i dont know what is fucking wrong.

sometimes im just so clueless and confused. and may i add…. unsure.

all this screaming in my head yet when i look at you i can find solace inside of me.

idk what is happening and idk what i need or do.

i just know right now… i am in a crossroad.

-J

***

so i’m trying pretty hard to be perfect. perhaps perfect is too strong; mindful, considerate, eager to please, call it what you will.

don’t text too much because it comes across as desperate. never send two texts in a row for the same reason. no facebook chat every time he logs on, ‘cause that’s desperate too, as is ‘Liking’ everything he posts, so don’t do that either. remember not to ask when we’re seeing each other next because nonchalance is key, right? don’t sound to eager when he suggests doing something in the future, remember, nonchalance. when you’re out with other people, don’t demand his attention, he’s not there just for you. and don’t make an issue of him making friends with new girls, that’s asking for trouble, you don’t want to look jealous and insecure. when he wants to go to sleep before you do, don’t latch onto him because you’ll seem weak, needy, intense.

all these crazy rules i’ve made up in my head so you don’t see past this facade. i’m not nonchalant, i over-think everything. i can be intense, and i’m definitely jealous at times. but in essence, at the crux of all this overanalysation; i am insanely in love with you. i just wish you knew how far away i am from nonchalance.

-tseluyu.

***

Sometimes all it takes is the encouragement of your peers to take you to the next level.

Always encourage people around you to strive for more. To love themselves and appreciate their lives, body and soul. Make them feel loved, so that they are confident enough to know that they can do what they think they cant.

Everyone needs a few words of compliments now and then.  it never hurts to give anyone one. :)

Tell the person next to you how pretty/good he/she looked today. Tell them they smell good.. or their hair suits their outfit or anything at all. Congratulate your colleagues on a job well done. Pat your friend’s back and give them a smile.

:) all this costs nothing but the return’s more than any money can buy.

spread the joy of your laughter and make someone happy.

namaste to my yoga classmates for the thumbs up to me today. that mere gesture made me  realize how something so small can increase my confidence in myself.

always remember,  understanding your body and yourself holds the key to your happiness. read it with an open mind and you may find what you want.

ahimsa.

-J

]]> http://www.jennihsurf.net/archives/1281/feed 2 http://www.jennihsurf.net/archives/1273 http://www.jennihsurf.net/archives/1273#comments Thu, 08 Oct 2009 02:35:09 +0000 jennihsurf http://jennihsurf.net/?p=1273
Outside I see the rain is falling
Inside Im slowly dying
But the rain will hide my crying

***

yoga feeds my soul. ahimsa… :) i feel so different everytime i bow to the teacher after each class.
i’ll say namaste from my heart and say thanks for all the peace and love we share with each other
i’ll smile knowing i have loved my body and be in harmony with myself.
Yoga is invigoration in relaxation. Freedom in routine. Confidence through self control. Energy within and energy without.

I love partner yoga!
it’s about trusting your partner. and opening up to your partner… knowing he or she will be there to help/back you up anytime.
Trust. something we all lack of these days no?

***

i made a decision to let go a few things today.
Ive never felt better :)

;)

-J

anyways i wanna talk abut dreams. not as in aspiration dreams but dreams u have when you’re asleep. zzzz..

people say our dreams often mean something. of late i have been having a lot of dreams.. which are somewhat similar. i dream of being killed. in the scariest way possible. or dying. in the scariest way possible. in fact.. if i can remember correctly.. most of my dreams often end up with me dying. especially this one which i remember very clearly.. a dream i had years ago where i kept dreaming of a thief breaking into my house and killed me with a gunshot =.=

freaks me out so i decided to google up what dreaming about my own death means…

To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such a dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol.  Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.

From HERE

When we dream about death and dying, this generally means that there is some life-changing event on our minds.  This stresses people out – even when the change in our lives is a good one, we still tend to worry about it because humans just don’t like to change all that much.

If people were really coming to kill you, then it’s very likely that you’d be fighting it – running away, hiding.  It would be stressful.  But you wait for them and let them shoot you.  So I believe that you have recently experienced a major life-changing event – or maybe you anticipate one soon.  And you have stopped fighting it – you accept that it’s going to happen, and you are okay with that.

from HERE

WELL..

true enough… ive been facing some life changing events right now. :) Hopefully i can cope! ;)

if you sorta know how to analyze dreams like these.. do let me know your views.. :D

-J