i don’t remember the feeling anymore.

i have a thing for bows. bows on guys.. bows on girls… both just makes me feel.. idk.. preppy? wtf

***

funny. i was thinking about the value of money earlier and also how it affects anyone at all in out lives. friends.. family.. ourselves..

i have this theory that diff people value money differently, and diff people, of course are rich in different ways.
some people come from obvious rich families and are born rich like f. while some work their way to a level considerably wealthy, while some have just enough to survive from paycheck to paycheck. and the others, are considered poor (in monetary terms).

well.. there’s one more category i’d say, which i think is where i belong. the category where we’re neither rich nor poor, or anywhere in between… and money worth nothing to us.

u may find me ignorant, to not value or appreciate money in any sense, but for me, money is what tears everyone apart. it kills you, makes you want more out of your life, breaks relationships, causes tension and just everything negative possible.

i dont mind waking up poor tomorrow.. or waking up super rich… to me, it does not make a difference. money is nothing. it’s just a piece of paper. hmm.. im seriously screwed huh?

i do not feel like elaborating more on my thoughts exactly, but i just felt that , knowing some of my close acquaintances getting really bothered when it comes to , money, makes me feel that there’s more to life than worrying about a piece of paper (which could/could not solve their life’s problem(s))

idk. dont get me wrong. i have been poor. in fact, ive always been poor. and i do not have that urge to be rich at all. i just feel that money is really……….. nothing.

:/

***

i have a weird dream yesterday. or was it the day before yest.

i was already late for work, but i continue snoozing anyway knowing that i need the extra eye shut. off i go to dreamland. anyways. i was dreaming about myself being framed by the police for some weird crime… and then all my friends and family came to rescue me and before you know it.. i took out a gun and shot everyone dead. it was pretty gory. to end my nightmare… i shove the gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger.
and then i woke up.

i wish i know what my dreams meant. because it was really disturbing.
i cant stop thinking about it and it just makes me think that… maybe the dream meant that i simply dont trust anyone at all in my life, sometimes, including myself.

oh well.

to much thinking. less talking and time for a rest.

:/

goodnight world.
ohm shanti.

-J